Flipping Through The Channels:

"That looked like Jesus! Oh... nevermind... Orlando Bloom."

-- suitemate A.

First Scene Of 'Elmer Gantry'

"Drunk old men. Way to start a movie."

-- suitemate M.

She Was Just Kidding, Of Course

"I can't wait to become an alcoholic. One month from yesterday!"

-- my suitmate M.

Relationship

"Yeah, we close like spandex on a fat chick."

-- my cool friend J.

Droppin' Big Bucks

"You can't just shout out, 'Did anybody lose 20 bucks?'

[Because someone will say,] 'Yeah! What does it look like?'"

-- A professor (critiquing a student's essay about the moral responsibility when you find money on the ground)

Never Heard That One Before

"Well. That's a different kettle of fish."

-- English prof

PETA Would Have A Heydey With That Juice

student 1: There's riboflavin in here...

student 2: Did you say "rhino flavor"?

student 3: Mmm... tastes like real rhinos!

Effects

"::BURP:: oh man... 2nd side effect of Red Bull. No... actually 3rd, after delusion and peeing."
-- my sister H.

Review Meetings Must Be Terrifying

guy 1: Where's Amanda?

guy 2: She had to work...

guy 1: Doesn't she work at Giant Eagle?

guy 2: Yeah... She must serve the giant eagle.

Graffiti On A Gas Station Bathroom Wall In WV

I ♥ Mike W.
So do I.
We all do.

How Many "Survivor" Seasons Are There??

It's like 'Land Before Time:' the first three were great and the rest of them suck.

-- One of my suitemates